My Story My Life 

I have been beaten physically and mentally but one thing is for sure. I have never been BEAT. My fight for me and for others will go on till the last breath leaves my lips. 

 

Well here i go it started many years ago , Its not polite to ask a lady her age

Into this world a litte baby emerged the gender at birth was recorded as male, name of Leslie Lawrence Ede second child and second son to parents.

Little did that baby know at the time the same as the parents did not know or would ever understand what lay ahead. A life of not knowing, a life of not being understood or understanding what it was that troubled them so much, and why other seemed troubled by their ways.

That baby was me Melissa Ede as i am now known and i am about to give you a brief insight into my life not for pity but to show the world what can be accomplished against all odds

Who would have ever thought after so so many years of fighting for a identity that was refused by the authorities i would be given it so late in life it makes my heart bleed but im not alone some still have not made it, because the help was refused.

It was a game of authority plays god. Yes you can have a life or no your go off and live a miserable existance i got given the latter, so lets look at a few keypoints in my life, I dont want to give it all away as eventually i want to write a autobiography

The question i often get asked is when did i know i was different ? Well the only way i can answer this is that i never knew any different, as far back as i can remember i knew i was female it was everyone else that thought i was male. Many would say i was the insane one but i knew everyone else was insane to believe i was male.

I cant even remember what age it was but i would raid my mothers drawers to wear her clothes to bed it was the way i felt comfortable, I was not allowed to wear feminine clothing during the day but could at night in the secrecy of my bed 

My actual visits to the doctors of my own back began at the age of fifteen oh my that was a complete waste of time over and over again, Doctors were blinkered too and shared the same insanity that the rest of the world did, your male i was told over and over again.

Bullied at school bullied at home even the health proffesionals bullied me out of their surgerys but i was right, i knew i was. someone had tricked me and put this awful body and face on me to test my mind to challenge me, to give me hell. .

Life is so funny being transsexual you have to be the perfect actor you have to learn to act every minute of your life, you have to be the perfect liar because you have to fool everyone you are something you are not in the end because you cant get the help that is needed.

I have been told i was so wrong getting married and having children knowing full well i was transsexual but you have to try and fit in, i had no where to turn i was so unhappy it was not fair.

So even while i wasliving this big act this massive lie i was still seeking help and still being looked at as if i was insane many many years of this until finally a doctor refaired me to the possible right psychiatry doctor one who had read about my condition, yes at long last someone had answers, 

I got refaired to a gender clinic from there and after months of waiting got a appointment, the time came i attended and had to go for more appointments over the next six months,

Talking to them was easy they understood my life then came the blow this is thier words not mine. After going over all the test we do to determine whether you are transsexual, we are 100% you are classic case transsexual but unfortunately you suffer a condition we call blue beard which means you will never be able to live sucessfully as a woman so go live your life the best you can as a man,

Now looking back at this pathetic excuse of a treatment, i should have sued the ass of those proffesional,s to refuse treatment is wrong, and especially to refuse treatment because of a condition that could have been treated with electrolysis and hormones.

And that was the stage of my life where i tried to remove my genitals with a pair of scissors. that must have seemed normal behaviour to the health proffesionals because all they did was sewed me up and packed me of home as if it was a everyday occurance.

Left alone again for many years fighting this fight to become me even buying a castrating banding tool to try and castrate myself over dosing on sleeping tablets while the band was on but the pain was too great and it would not let me go unconscious so i would have dead testicles.

Yet again nobody seemed to want to know, In a so called caring world you would have thought the people wh were supposed to be proffesionals would have seen that though i did not want to die, eventually my actions would cause this to happen.

I want to stress at this point nobody should ever try to copy my actions i can tell you with all honesty and experience it does not get you help and only causes so much pain you cannot imagine and you really do risk death

Heres a funny little story one of many, Iworked as a welder at the time and in our spare time at work had built a go cart. The day had come to try it out and we decided between us we would do time trials to see who could get round the course the fastest. well my time e3ventually came and i knew the only way i could beat the fastest time set was not to break at any corners,

I have always been and still am very competative so it had to be done, on the third ninety degree corner the steering snapped i was doing seventy miles per hour and a brick wall was my stopping point ,

Well i dont remember anything even to this day but do know that that morning as every morning i had put frilly pants on under my overalls, with nicely shaven body and legs, oh my what those nurses must have thought of me in ER. i had a stay of three weeks in hospital because of my injuries thankfully i lived and never lost use of my legs but had a year of work because of the severity of it all.   

Hormones lets talk a little about this, yet again please no one copy my actions it is dangerous to self prescribe.

I was so determined to change my body and as nobody would help me, i found you could buy hormones from the internet, wow i could change my body  it was very expensive at around a hundred pound a month but by this time i was living alone and working so figured i could do it as long as everything else went as long as i had a roof over my head and food in my mouth i would be ok. So i started ordering them and my bogy started to change :) how fantastic this was but what i did not realise at the time wasbecause i was paying so much money, my diet was very poor i only ate enougth to stay alive it was all i could afford rice baked beans and bread and bran. Off course this started to affect my health and one off the things i noticed was my teeth started to decay. At one point i had really bad toothache so bad i was crying but the fact was if i went to the dentist and had to pay for treatment i would not be able to pay for my hormones, so in the end i had to get a pair of plyersand pull the tooth myself.

I so wish i had never had to resort to this as now i am so concious of my teeth i hardly ever smile. One day i will have everything put right one day i will be beautiful. one day i will be everything i ever should have been.